Lumberjacks, Independence, and Literal Snowglobes

Lumberjacks. Yep. That’s what the title says.

However before questions arise, let me explain a bit about me first.

I’m a 5’4″, quirky young woman about to touch upon her 24th year in this crazy world. I get along with most people. But very few I’m deeply, intimately close to. I have my scars and my trust issues. I’m also not known for dating. It takes a lot to gain my attention, specifically because I don’t chase men.

I’m not a feminist. Humanist with the ideology that every person on the globe has the right to be and do what the will with their life, so long as they aren’t harming anyone else.

Now, because of this, I’m also a bit old school in terms of relationships and dating. I want to be courted. What negates that, is the fact throughout my teen years, I wasn’t especially pretty. Try going to a high school where everyone, quite literally, knows everyone. My graduating class was about 70 people. So either you dated everyone, or were friends with everyone. Care to guess which category I fell into?

No? It’s okay. I didn’t especially mind that I was friends with everyone. I was going through a very, very emotionally rough point in my life (to be talked about later this month).

Then I came to college. Two years post graduating high school, and the dynamic changes. Very quickly in, I could feel guys checking me out. A few offers to be fuckbuddies (no thanks), and awkward stares.

Here’s the kicker though. Not once was I asked for coffee, lunch, dinner. It was always a deal of sex then, or invading my bubble without permission.

What happened to asking someone for coffee, without there being underlying context?

Oh- probably the fact I’m a quiet, independent female who can stand on her own. That scares men. I’ve seen their looks, their gazes. And I’m also not a common type that men nowadays go for. Lots of makeup, religion, skimpy clothing.

Tack on a few years, and here I am at 23 years old. And by some slate of oddness and the fact my life can never be simple, I have two men that are willing to treat me right and give me that courtship.

I also attract men younger than me. Only by a few years, to one year younger. Regardless, I find it quite intriguing as to why that is.

These two catching me off guard? One is only a year younger. Charming man. Scorpio. Literate, quiet, but a zest for passion that’s like contained fire. The other is three and a half years younger. Virgo. Intense, with a joy to be playful, but also incredibly intelligent. The latter knows pain; the former generosity. They’re both masculine in their show of male strength. Both are smart. Both are creative. Both are nerdy and have a taste for flirting and not backing down when something’s caught their eye.

In all honesty, I don’t know either from front to back; inside and out. However there is one distinct difference I know of that draws me closer to one over the other (besides the fact I’ve been talking to one for over four months). And, that is that one continues to chase, while the other will come and go though his attention does continue to circle back. The former? The direct pursuer? Has my keen interest. He wanted to know everything, so every scar and every quirkiness I have I exposed. I’m used to the depths of my pain and steel-hard shell scaring (people in general) off. Instead, he shocked me by staying. And wanting to stay. And wanting to know more. The other came and went, but disappeared for over a month.

While yes, I could have initiated contact again; I do not chase men. If they want to talk to me, by all means I encourage it. However, I’ve got plenty of other things and people to keep me occupied and enjoying life.

So the fact one put more effort in, is a substantial factor to me. There is effort to keep my interest. And likewise, I’m learning how to keep him too; though consensus is I’m a pain in the ass, and high maintenance- but sweet and loving. I’m perfect…to him.

The poor bastard signed himself up for an adventure through hell; but I’ll be damned if it won’t be fun.

What helps (or doesn’t)- both in plaid flannel shirts? Though it suits men in general, only one comes out the victor. (And he damn well knows it, too.)

So as I close this (and dread the flurry of snow and rain fall outside), I wonder why I catch interest to this breed of men. The abrasive adventurers, intelligent and attractive in their respectful ways; with confidence and the right words to say and eclectic music and video game taste. Who also fear no hard labor- even getting them to shovel snow or build me a log cabin wouldn’t be a task. This clash of modern tech and classic gentleman.

Then again; I am beach crossed with metal and rock n’ roll. I love my heels, and my jeans. With piercings that aren’t gaudy and ink permanently stained into my skin for personal reasons and memory.

We’re a paradox, sweetheart. But one that will no doubt keep our fire burning in the coldest winter night.

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