Dominance and Independence: Appeasing and Frustrating

Silly man. You won’t dominate me. All I do in life, I do by my own decision and hand.

I’m a woman of independence; born of necessity rather than exact choice. (Explained in a few weeks, give it time.)

I like being in control, because it allows for me to cut strings that otherwise shackled and shaped me through the earlier years of youth. Wasn’t until I was about 17 I finally said, “…Enough.”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. A few strings remain. But once I’ve finished college, my obligations are done and over with. (Aside from constantly calling home, once I’ve moved.)

So, sorry baby. But this bird has wings. And she knows how to soar on her own.

I’m not attracted to submissive, indecisive men. Don’t be a waste of my time. I have issues with indecision sometimes too, but when I need to make choices I will make them without hesitation. I don’t need a man worse than I am with such a habit.

The dominance is…refreshing. I see men (no, boys) who put on a facade, acting tough and like they’re a true male specimen. Lies. All lies. A man who is well dominant is not unkind, not overbearing. Maybe alpha is a better way to really describe what it is I’m after. A man who puts priority on those who holds highest value of, and their entire well being. He won’t always have the answers. But that doesn’t mean he won’t take care of them.

Best of all, there is exposed vulnerability to those he trusts, hands down.

There is no perfection here. Nobody should ever be looking for perfection. That is a wish that will never be reached. So let that ridiculous idea go, to you (yes, you, reader), if you haven’t already.

There is a stigma to dominance nowadays, (thank you, 50 Shades) that bodes ill with many; myself included. And that is this factor of total control over the other partner involved. Who wants that? Who could live like that…? BDSM is one thing. And if that’s your jolly, by all means indulge. (Personally it’s not for me. The very blatant submission/dominance turns me off. Again, personally! Nothing wrong with any person enjoying it.) But don’t anyone ever psychoanalyze, and warp the minds, of your partner for your own wishes and ideals. Not for sex. Not for apparel. Not for behavior.

Love them for them. Or leave and let them be happy with a truly compatible partner.

I like equilibrium. I like partnership. I enjoy being allowed my freedom without another presence telling me otherwise (hence why I’m just now entering into a relationship; albeit a very complicated one dictated by distance predominantly, and financial complications).

I like it when taking care of others is an important priority. I like empathy more than sympathy. I like it when someone can take the reins because another is just at a point enough is enough.

We’re allowed to be broken.

What I need is a partner on equal grounds with me.

What I don’t need are my decisions being made for me.

What I need is someone to take the weight on days where I’m overloaded.

What I don’t need is to be taken care of 24/7.

I can handle myself. I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone else for that. So what can you (any man, really), offer me? What are you bringing to the table?

My walls are high. My independence out of control and completely uncontrollable, save for by my hand exclusively.

I know my worth. My scars, my worries, my anxieties, my fears, my sorrows; all of the pain that I carry? How will anyone live with them? I’m strong. Not bulletproof. I have my days that I break.

But I have best friends that are family who can hold me together as I reassemble the pieces. I don’t need anyone.

But I’d like a partner that can walk beside me, without changing me. Without wanting to change me. Grow with me? Yes, please! Because I will continue to change until the day I finally die. But do not, ever, try and shape me in your own liking. I will know when you’re trying. And it will backfire on you.

A dominant alpha. An independent lone wolf. It’s not unheard of, in all actuality. In some ways, it works beautifully, because both partners can be strong. It allows for one to pick up the slack. And the independent walker is by no means incapable of being the alpha. I can take the role when it’s been needed of me. I can handle your vulnerability with gentle grace, but only so long as you do the same for me.

Oh what a tricky dance we’re tangled in. We joke about it. But your dominance won’t ever break me. I’ll tear you apart before that happens.

Don’t clip my wings, angel. There will be nothing left should you even try.


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