New Tablet, Livestreams, and Lazy Days

Finally got my new drawing tablet installed. It’s quite nice. Taking some getting used to. However, I’m satisfied! I’m back to drawing now. Which is a good feat. I’m not doing too shabby, either.

I don’t know. Things are clicking for me and what I’m doing right now. It’s a small miracle. I need all the practice I can manage. However, I’m on my way.

Didn’t work out like I should have. Instead I got absorbed by a Roller Coaster Tycoon World stream of the exclusive content. (So buggy, but the nostalgia trip. <3)

Then Final Fantasy XV got me back on the hype train. By far, they are truly pushing to make this a damn memorable/salable game.

And it reinvigorated my drive into the field of media.

Crap. 😀

So here I am. About to shower perhaps. Waiting for League of Legends to download. (BLAME HIM.)

Ah well. Just part of the deal, I s’pose. 😉

Advertisements

Just Lighting and Texturing

All I did last night.

Came out rather nice. Lighting is too dark, however the textures and everything else came out just fine. 🙂

My poor guy thought I was ignoring him… Oops on both our ends.

Now I’m surviving on 3 hours of sleep. Everything is hilarious currently.

Tick-Tick-Ticking Away

That’s all I’m doing.

Two days in a row, I’ve lost sleep. Because a goddamn fucking door slammed. Thanks roommate. Thanks a lot. I’m already unstable. I’m already not doing well.

We’ve had this discussion before.

Can you not be the 24 year old adult that you ARE? No, you’re off in la-la land with your dreams that I want to shatter with reality.

But no. I remain the good one that everyone still hates.

I think I’ve made my man worry, too. Or irritated. I don’t care. He kind of stung me earlier with (presumably a joke) he cracked. I’ll confront it later, perhaps.

But right now all I want to do is scream and cry. I might wake up for a workout. I might not. Either way, I’m going to be doing a lot of heavy workouts for the next week, especially when my brother’s out of town. It’s either that, or I lose my cool and completely flip on everyone. I need a distraction.

A good one would be sex, and oh would he give it to me night and day. Too bad 2,300+ miles separate us…for now.

I don’t know. I just don’t. I feel so stressed and lost and like I can’t keep my own head above the waves.

Beautiful. A ticking time bomb being controlled by the waves.

No wonder this little dove’s fuse has about ran its course…

Back to Cold

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold.

Not only does the weather enjoy this every frickin’ year, so do people!

Sad irony is I’m used to it. Still taxing and tiring. But I am used to it. I’ll do as I always do, push through and wait it out to see the conclusion.

Usually burns me. But now I’m so used to it, it’s numbing more than anything else.

Got very little homework done.

But rediscovered a time lapse video of one city I really want to see someday soon. It’s expensive and in a terrible inflation bubble still, but damn if it wasn’t one of the most beautiful areas I’ve ever seen.

So living there is an unlikely dream. But hey- never say never, right?

Still avoiding social media. I think I’ll also stay off of skype, too, for a few days.

Hot and cold. Only so long I can take it.

~ a little white dove

Relenting a Smidgen

Just a tad.

There need not be any specifics. Just that I’m not so chicken shit as people like to assume.

Yes. I’m cautious. And conservative in my behavior. (Independent in politics.) However I am naturally curious. And shit happens. Nothing’s in my control. So why not rock it where I can justify it, and be in control of myself when I can.

Otherwise, enjoy the ride. Life is fleeting. It is short. It is hideous. It is painful. It is beautiful.

I’ll take some risks. More than so many people, I can attest to that much.

No, you won’t understand how my mind works sometimes. Don’t try to pick it apart to understand. Let it wash over you without trying to dissect it.

I’ll always throw someone through a loop. I warn the world. Then they seem so shocked when I do.

I digress. The world is a fickle, callous place.

~ a dove of white

Day Away From Alcohol

I felt like crap upon waking up. What was meant to be 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep became six hours and my stomach feeling sour all day.

What detracted even more, was the fact I felt even worse after eating something.

So tomorrow I’m sticking to soup.

My brother wanted to go out drinking tonight, after having finally cracked the night prior. Life, school, responsibilities. It’s all taxing. He finally cracked. But today he was doing better.

Good news on my end, still loved and adored. To my chagrin.He was sweet to me, and a pain in the ass. My special someone. But to be fair, that’s just how he and I roll…

And most of the girls in my academic program still loathe me. I can’t be controlled. And my opinions are “erratic” to their poor minds.

Yet I’m fine. Out of nowhere, my roommate is spending the night with a mutual friend of ours. Again…

Whatever. I have a quiet evening/morning ahead of me. 🙂

May tomorrow bring me peace. Oh! And found a potential resource to keep me ahead of the other students, when it comes to 2D Animation Senior Project.

I’m horrible for not telling them about it, but chances are they’ll find out. Now, the question remains if they will attempt to master it or no.

Until tomorrow, I s’pose…

~a dove of white

 

Tequila and I

I’m becoming close to tequila. We have an understanding relationship. I do not bode well with 85%+ of the human population, and my boyfriend is 2,300+ miles away. So the stress is taxing.

I expect a conniption from my mother by the time summer vacation rolls around. Oh that’ll be fun.

But I have tequila, and my best friend’s number to bombard with texts. Not to mention vodka and good quality beer also do me in.

T0morrow I’m back to homework. But my roommate’s birthday was today/tonight. Hence the alcohol. I do not like the people she invited, for so many varying reasons.

Also a full moon. Today felt a bit more normal. Still some tension. But with my guy, we’re kind of okay. I want to watch us unfold. So I’m being patient. 🙂

Maybe not smart. But what is life without risk, no?

Anyway. To anyone reading this- do not use alcohol like I do. A tingling depressant. Especially tequila. Oh hell. It’ll hand you your ass…

Wise words of life from this small young woman,

~ a dove of white

Troubleshooting

I can troubleshoot relatively well, now. By no means would I consider myself an expert. However I can manage to get by.

Currently I’m finishing up the last bit of my senior project’s write up. Finally I’m getting it focused.

I only got one motion graphics assignment completed- however that was due to me having to troubleshoot and redo the same effect about five times. When it didn’t cooperate, I found a way around it. Still came out alright. I can now make suns/stars up close. Quite beautiful, or so I find. And not too complicated! Just fickle.

I’m basically booked for the next seven weeks due to crunch time on assignments. So much to do, and no time to do any of it…

But I’ll managed, as I always do.

I can’t even fathom worrying about my personal life anymore. It’s go time.

I’ll show them all what an imbalance Capricorn and Aquarius make…but oh if my stubbornness and perseverance doesn’t outshine them all. 😉

I’m not being facetious. I’ve earned the right to that claim. I don’t always hold up to my end on that one, I will give you that much. However, I’ve enough credit to keep the title.

~a little dove of white

Beautifully Intuitive

That is what I am. It’s keeping me ahead of so many people, being so analytically articulate in understanding the human behavior in just minor seconds.

I also really fucking hate it.

I had a feeling…I knew it, dammit. He’s been odd with me. And now in a dilemma.

I think my relationship is on borrowed time, now.

I could very well be wrong, and I will welcome that gracefully.

He questioned the reality of it. He’s stressed, I know. But to question the validity of it, the reality of what we both want it to become. (Long distance sucks that way.) I think I eased his mind when I assured him I did look at the stats. I know what my options are out there.

And then he brought up a friend that could jeopardize what we have. Now, I’m not jealous. Loads of girls are by far prettier than me. And the root of his stress was if he helps this friend, can he trust himself?

I’m tempted to tell him, if it comes up again (I might push it, it needs to be handled on both our ends), that if he wants to stay with me, I will trust him. But can he trust himself? That’s quite the question.

But if I’m not a priority…

I don’t give second chances. I’m moving on. I have my life to live. I won’t dawdle it on mistakes and second chances. I’ve done that in the past with friendships. Relationships are different.

I’m hoping I’m wrong. Oh, how I hope I’m wrong. He’s the package- what I’ve wanted, and the only one willing to push me bluntly where I need it.

But for days now, he’s been sparse in talking to me. Which it’s fine. But from a worrying message to sudden lack of communication, as well as him pushing me in an area I will not budge on right now…

I don’t always have the answers.

I just know I can pick myself up again when someone’s swept my knees out from under me.

On a side note- started jogging again. Not for long, seeing as my foot is still under recovery (deep internal bruising, so it’s all more fragile than usual).

And my roommate comes back tomorrow, too.

I’m at a loss, right now. I won’t be sleeping tonight, it looks like. Or tomorrow night.

Maybe once this is written, and I start drafting I’ll find some semblance of peace within myself…