First one. And really it turned out to be something really nice. I loved it.
Well…most of it.
Then my own shortcomings triggered, and nothing he pulled away from. I’m crumbling in on myself.
And for once someone wants to help me bypass my own issues. And I want to allow that help.
But I just don’t fucking know how to. I am always left in the dust when I’ve needed help or guidance to surpass myself, or overcome anything that worried or scared me.
Here I am now, in a situation where it’s not the end of the world, and I have a man that borderline worships the very existence of my presence. And he’s willing to do all he can.
But when I can’t do it. I just can’t (not talking sex, here…), I feel myself stressed and breaking and wanting to yell and…
I’m letting him down, even though I’m…not? He feels like he’s failing when I’m not all better. And I feel like I’m failing because I’ve made him unhappy.
Then again this relationship is all still new to me. Parts of it, the majority, is so beautifully simple and natural. But there are a few hiccups that he and I need to surpass, within ourselves.
I hate it when I can’t help him. The feeling’s mutual.