Carnival…?

Yelling and taxes turned into cold outside, with a small carnival in one of the dirt parking lots on campus. I didn’t ride any rides…however I did eat food. So I didn’t totally waste my time! It was nice. And freezing. Apparently that just puts me one step ahead of many in my pursuit of becoming Canadian~! (Seriously…I wore the least amount in terms of layers. And I survived.) Now multiple that by six, and I’m on my way…!

However earlier was to be expected. Taxes. Miscommunication.

Still tired of people running hot and cold on me, that includes my mother. Love her to bits and pieces. But we clash sometimes, and it’s brutal. My stubbornness and her relentless refusal to consider the fact her approach isn’t working for me. Pisces raised an Aquarius too heavily influenced by Capricorn behaviors and tendencies.

What a beautiful whirlwind. Tack on the temper we both inherited…damn it.

Not to mention my pride has only escalated, as has my erratic thoughts over the last two years. Really…since spring of 2014, and my last terrible bout of depression. I’m less cautious in how I’m willing to approach several things. Yet I play a ruse rather well.

In some ways I remain cautious. In other ways, however, I do not. I’m curious to see how my world plays out. How much I hurt my mother, or some of my friends. How much I’ll care, or completely disregard them all.

I’m excited and terrified to graduate. I want to be as far from here as possible. I’m willing to make/take some risks, if it means even a chance at my own happiness.

People telling me what to do or how things will play out.

I’m sorry. But I pride myself in being able to synthesize almost any outcome for a given situation. I’ve yet to be wrong.

But nobody wants to hear it.

Still tired. Forcing myself to workout tomorrow regardless. And finish up taxes. Then FAFSA. Then homework…

No wonder I’m showering at midnight or later in the early AM nowadays….

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