Such Silliness

He didn’t want to bother me. The irony…

I’ve been so, so busy. Ridiculously so, without being overloaded. Overwhelmed I have been. But reflecting on every single entry I’ve made since January…

Well, it’s no surprise. I’ve been losing direction, losing focus. I’m at the point I’ve burned out from school. It’s draining. It’s depressing. And linear, structured education does nothing but bore and irritate me. Like a prison, I’m trapped with nowhere to go but where they direct and instruct us.

My agitation is only bleeding into my depression, making it worse. Will I talk to someone? No. And for one very good reason: I will not become totally dependent on a medication, prescribed by people I do not want in my head.

So, through selfless decisions, messages are mixed. Oh well. To err is to be human, I suppose.

Storyboarding still. So much to do, but I’m more driven today than I have been in quite a while. It’s coming together. And come Thursday morning, the last of my classes will be scheduled and registered. Tomorrow I have advising at noon. For the last time, perhaps for the rest of my life…

It’s a bittersweet bout of nostalgia. In part, I will miss school. College has opened my eyes to many things, especially of myself. What I’m capable of, the person I’m still growing into, and my limits. I’ve made mistakes, have my regrets…

But all in all, I’m content with what I’ve learned. I’m sharp. I come to understand more than so many…

Again, I sound to cocky. I promise to you, dear passerby, I’m not. I’m willing to recognize my strengths as well as my shortcomings.

But I’ll iterate these later this year.

Miscommunications. Mistakes. Whatever.

I’m back on track. Or I’m on my way to being so. Whatever is to come, is to come. For now, I’ll take my time. I’m well. I’m improving.

No time is kicking me back into gear.

But I’m well. 🙂

~ a little white dove

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