The Many Emotions Brought Through Sunlight

Its warm and calming today. The heat isn’t atrocious (yet). The birds are perky and actively chirping throughout the trees outside.

I’ve gone from exhausted, to perfectly content… To aggressively pissed.

So grabbed my brother and we made our way to the pub for pizza. No drinks. Neither of us were feeling the alcohol, nor are our wallets fairing well lately…

And so we proceeded to bitch as we always do. He has his issues. I had mine. Living in bubbles surrounded by arrogance and ignorance. We vented over tortilla chips and a pepperoni pizza. On yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

It’s all fucked up. And we agreed about that. I’m tired of being yanked between likable and hated.

He’s tired of being everyone’s guardian savior.

I want karma to snatch whatever it is they’re after. He cackled at the notion, exclaiming “I love it!”

Really, though. Would that be so bad? Am I so terrible to wish ill?

I’m not a religious person. So perhaps it spares me some that way. But the attitudes rearing, and treating me like a throwaway until they decide I’m necessary to wipe up their piss-poor tears…

Well, suffice to say I’ve had enough. I will always be kind and help…until I’m mistreated. And then I begin to yank back and lash out. Or turn cold…

So achingly, bitingly cold.

No wonder I’m a daughter of the winter…

Boyfriend seemed to laugh at the notion, way back when. Claiming I didn’t know what the cold was.

He seems to refuse to believe, just how icy apathy really is.

I digress. (Not like he’s been very chatty lately, anyway. Another discussion for another day, perhaps.)

I’m also stuck cleaning the entire dorm room on my own this week. My friend is coming down from back home (for his own selfish reasons, typical). And I have to clean, because my roommate won’t get off her lazy ass and help. And now she has to “work”. WHILE I have to pack up my winter attire, and send all of that home with him.

Positive news? Called home. Momma cheered me up. Found out we’re getting a brewery AND a barbecue establishment back home. So two chances for employment…! I might luck out, seeing as I’m still anxiously waiting on a county job (yes, they can process forever. I swear…)

Still debating about my future. That’s reeling in my head lately. It’s tiresome, to say the least. But it is helping to push me. My future is bright. Despite student loans to pay…I’m one step closer to freedom. ❤

Let’s see what tomorrow brings me… Cross your fingers for clarity and ease of mind?

~ a little white dove


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