Amidst Cleaning and Aggravation

I’m caught in chaos today. Less than five hours of sleep will tend to leave someone edgy…

However, my state tax refund has been mailed. I’ve gotten the carpet vacuumed… Currently cleaning and trying to figure out how to organize everything else I need to. Friend is coming into town tomorrow (joy). Of which I can’t even sleep in tomorrow.

So if I’m a little edge, there are a few reasons as to why.

I’m putting up a friend, who doesn’t actually go out of his way for me unless I absolutely need a ride. Of which, every fucking year, he and the other both ask me “So, when are you getting your driver’s license?” To which I have to remind myself why I shouldn’t give them both good suckerpunch to the jaw.

So not only am I housing a selfish prick (for one night- and one night only!), he hasn’t bothered to take time to come visit me (he has money, and can make time). Not once in the four years I’ve been down here for college. I’m three hours from home. He, and the rest, never bothered once. I would have, had I the money. And a guaranteed pick-up at the station should I take the bus back home.

Which they wouldn’t. Nor would they bring me back to drop me off so I can return back to campus…

I digress. He can take the 10+ things back home for me. Well…ten packages and bags of items. 😉

Funny thing today, as I was on a tirade that substantially lifted my mood…he popped back online. Or rather, messaged me first.

I swear I don’t understand how he functions, sometimes… Fascinates me. However what pinged at me, was how I felt.

Part of me was content and more than willing to reply to him; chipper as can be. The other…felt less affection, more friendliness.

Oh, that is a sign that doesn’t bode well. However until I know for sure…I’m keeping my emotions under wraps. Best to wait and see what unfolds. I’m an oddity. So best to keep myself in check, and not allow for anything irrational to happen.

Barely getting anything done. I have no idea how I’m going to survive the weekend… So much to do. My friend, you really chose the wrong weekend to attend that concert

I felt sick to my stomach for most of the day. Then I was fine. Proceeded to eat too much. Bad mistake. Almost twelve hours later, still regretting it.

Really tired of the people back home, too. Always always the conversations turn out to be “So when are you getting a car” to “You still don’t have your driver’s license?” It’s eating away at me that that’s all they think about. Good fucking lord… Not the fact I managed college without it. Or that I plan to move to a city city. Not the dinky little shit-hole fifteen minutes away from our mountain towns…


Feeling self-conscious today, too. Just kind of an off day…

I have to wake up relatively early. I’m dreading it. But I’ll take it as time to work out, I s’pose.

Wish me luck?


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