Watching Daylight Pass Over

Unmotivated. Surprised, no?

Yeah, didn’t think so. Mind’s reeling. Exhausted. Sleeping just seems to make me more so. Slowly storyboarding tonight. Whatever…

Self-destruction just puts me in limbo I’ve noticed. Not self-harm…just allowing myself to not take care of me. I’ve logged out of Twitter and Skype. Facebook I’m only on right now because two of my friends are messaging via it.

Went for a walk with my brother, earlier. It didn’t help. He just started to piss me off more. Then when he and I parted ways, I brought myself to the duck pond near the dorms. As I was circling it, I noticed someone walking behind me. Not sure if he was following me, but as I took to the route back to my dorm, he disappeared.

TWICE now. In the span of twenty-four hours, this has happened twice to me.

I think what’s more devastating, is no one that knows seemed to worry.

What the flying fuck?

Jesus, people…am I really worth nothing? Do you really not worry about me?

I need out of here. I need out of this fucking state and away from everyone I know. Which…

I did finally come to the conclusion to seek opportunities outside of the United States. I’m moving, at the very least, away from the Southwest as soon as I can if no other opportunities arise.

Until then, however, I’m banking on trying to network and sweet-talk my way out of here. I love my country. I’m tired of people. Anywhere else where the atmosphere is different, I’ll take it.

Canada, Ireland, New Zealand. I’ll look into Scotland later on. And I know Hong Kong is constantly hiring in animation (but I’m not sure I’d love to be there…)

My eyes keep drifting to Vancouver. I know the expenses are ridiculous. But…

My heart seems to hum. It has the western coastline I was born to, and the mountains that keep my soul singing.

I’ve never been. Hoping to correct it. I know the province Ontario has a lot of opportunity…but something about Vancouver, and being close to Seattle is nagging at me…

I need to see it for my own eyes. And soon. Before I make a mistake anywhere down the line. I need to make a trip to British Columbia and Ontario. For me.

Otherwise perhaps my Highland Heart will lead me to an island of rain and mountain ranges…?

I’m so tired… And I’ve no one to ask help from. Turns out, no one’s there to listen to the depths of my erratic thoughts.

~ a little white dove


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