Last Day, Work Tomorrow

I didn’t sleep last night. I tried, and it didn’t prevail.

So today I’ve felt like crap, and been wide awake. On dozing hours in the early AM until 9.

So I start work tomorrow. And I’m hoping for SOME sleep. No junk food. Then coffee after my shift with a friend I’m not particularly fond of, but I need out and about for a time.

I’m at my wits end still with so many people. But I’m calm about it.

Today I spent doing nearly nothing. However I’m going to make another drink, then hot cocoa. Then force myself into bed.

Will continue to write, until sleep steals me away. And lord knows I need some. Shift starts at 8:30am.

Wish me luck. ❤

~ a little white dove

Waking Up Past 1pm

That’s my day. Meant to do and get so much done.

Never turns out that way, does it?

Made a response. Did dishes. Washed fruit.

Maybe tomorrow will prove more productive.

Or maybe I’ll just game all day?

Whatever comes, may come.

I don’t know. I also saw some stressing news about the poor couple who run BFvsGF on YouTube. Personal lives need to remain private. And I wish them the best and find peace in their endeavors from here on. <2

Good news of the day? I’m now roughly 34 – 32 – 36 in size measurements. I’m at a healthy distribution. Need to slim down more. But working out regularly just hasn’t been possible with my ankle.

New shoes coming this week should prove better?

Will keep up to date!

(Also, keep drinking tea. ❤ Tea will slim you down, and keep the immune system regulating properly.)

Anyway lovelies, I’ll be writing for the rest of the night before I drag myself into bed.

~ a little white dove

Calm Quiet

A first in a while.

Need I say more?

Mom’s doing better today. ❤ So am I.

One plastic box has been reduced from two in terms of contents I’m bringing with me in August for my final semester.

Small steps; baby steps- as one of my best friends would say.

Drinking lots of tea. Going to try a spearmint one soon. Supposed to help regulate hormones and a few other things.

On a path to being healthier. On a trek to being balanced and ready.

Always trekking along. But finding success in each day balances me and reminds me that I have time.

I have time…

We ALL have time. 

~ a little white dove

Momma’s Still in Pain

So we got nothing done.

Bomb Girls is a good show. Sad to know it only made it through three seasons. And impressed I am, by some of Canada’s shows. The United States needs to take into account what makes a good show nowadays.

I digress. I’m increasingly picky; about my food and drink, my music, my taste in clothing, and my tastes in men.

Anyway. Cool day still. Temperatures weren’t high. Stretched out my back this evening. It felt good to force my spine to twist, and my arms to bear my weight.

Going to the store for booze tomorrow for her. Otherwise? I don’t actually know how my day will unfold. Aches, pains, stress… Always present.

Always aggravating.

We shall see.

Drink some tea. Eat better.

I have my goals. I’m still tired and dogged by how people try to input their own expectations.

Yeah. It’s still happening. And it’s shutting me down more and more.

Cool Day, Injuries All Around (I Hate Crickets)

So mom and I shouldn’t have been allowed out and about. We were both crippled today.

She hurt her back.

Me?

I burned the knuckles on my right hand twice with hot water. And due to a cricket being sprayed with bug killer…

Well, it decided to jump backwards off the wall, at me. I panicked. (I hate bugs. HATE THEM.) I proceeded to jump backwards so hard and fast the house did quake (foundation is flexible due to the area we live in), and slammed back down onto the foot with the swollen ankle.

It’s been three weeks of this, too, on it. Swollen. Healing at a snail’s pace.

Now I’m feeling bloated, heavy, injured, and all around grumpy.

On the bright side my paperwork has been finished and mailed. I’m done there (for now). My shirts have been paid for.

I’m caught up, besides needing to work out (I’m one accident away from the hospital again. That’s not happening.) And needing to organize the house, my stuff, and prioritize my inventory.

But in time, that will all prevail.

The temperatures cooled down today. The wind wants to linger, but the air feels so much better.

To top it off, a message from someone. And really I don’t know how I feel about it. Or…how I’m not feeling about it.

It scares me how bored I become, and easy it is for me to vanish on people…

It really, honestly, truly scares me sometimes.

Wind and Streams

Not what you think.

It’s been windy again.

So I watched a friend of mine stream on Twitch.

I wrote. I ate. I’ve been fat this evening. I’m content with that. My back is not.

More Bones. More relaxing.

I start work on Tuesday.

I’m oh so thrilled.

That is life, I suppose.

I’m going to make some more tea. Write a little longer. Veg on Bones more, perhaps. No extravagant thoughts tonight. Just tired pain and wondering about the same contemplations.

 

Wind

Its howling today. Off and on.

So I stayed inside. And kept to myself. And finished a chapter I’ve been writing for a private, personal project. I had a spider crawl on my arm as I was unpacking more of my stuff. So you can imagine what happened next…

Like typical me, I panicked, flailed around while screaming silently. And proceeded to cripple the damn pest, then drown it in bug spray.

At least I’m void of any bite marks?

Bones marathon continued.

But what made my day was the message from my best friend I woke up to (quite literally- my phone was buzzing!) And an acquaintance/friend from high school messaging me to hang out soon.

Besides the spider. I’m okay.

The key is taking life a day at a time.

For now, though- I must wonder. Why is it the wind strikes when I’m awake, and my mother is either out or asleep…?

Curious.

Inadvertent Night Over (Two Days Delay)

Spent time with the engaged couple.

Did not mean to stay all night.

Just gaming. And food. They bought me food.

But I realized how much I missed my mom. And prior to that, I realized I could never have their relationship. So now I’m total void of envy.

They bicker and disagree on everything. Light bickering, but constant disagreement.

I could…never survive in a relationship, let along a looming marriage, like that.

Now I’m home. Content, with a headache, and very tired.

I now have an Xbox Live account. I didn’t have a choice. Apparently I need an Xbox One now.

PlayStation 4 comes first.

Though Onigiri is, quite honestly, a ridiculously stupid-fun game. 😉

Two Shots of Vodka

I’m already sleepy. My thoughts are hither and thither. So I’m binging on Bones. About to pull up files to write, a story to finish. But Bones I can’t pull away from.

I can’t decide on munching on a banana, either. The fruit. Not the innuendo of the male sexual organ. But mmm if I had a man like Booth in my proximity… (My age, of course.)

Well, I digress.

I’m also irritated. But what can I say?

I’m not happy with a few people. But I’m content at home.

Tomorrow rains in a new day. With sunshine, undoubtedly, in this semi-desert of a state. With mountains breaking up the sand and plains.

So two shots of vodka in. Maybe I’ll indulge in tea, instead?

I’m remembering why older men held my appeal. Why I don’t trust people to begin with. And why, even though I suffer auto-immune issues and physical implications of hormone imbalances…

Well, my worth is substantially higher than I’m given credit for.

I’ll maybe stretch before I crawl into bed. Allow my spine to release. And my breathing to deepen.

I also make better drinks than my friend from yesterday.

Matter of opinion. But a rum and coke should taste more like the coke than rum. 😉

I’ll get something done come the morrow. Besides finalized paperwork being sent in for school.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Do things for me. Plan for tomorrow. Accomplish what needs to be done today.

I think I’m free.

And with that- Irish Wolfhounds. ❤ But maybe beyond that? Wolf hybrids. I want one. Criticize me all you like. They’re beautiful and ill-equipped for the wild.

Like a wolf’s heart, mine is beating to a pattern beyond the walls of fabrication.

It Just Increases

Cohabitating is difficult still. We just keep bickering. There’s always tension.

In part it is my fault. I will not deny that.

But I can’t be the only one at fault.

And that’s where it just escalates.

I don’t know anymore.

I’m…tired. I hate that. So much. How tired I am. How stressed I am. How agitated I’m becoming with every passing day.

I don’t really know what to do anymore.

I don’t have anyone to come crawling to, either.

Two best friends that are too busy. And a boyfriend who’s up and vanished off the face of my world.

I need to focus on getting things done. Stop snacking. Keep ingesting teas.

And cross off each day that I can.