Stressful Sunday

I can’t find my high school diploma. I know it’s here somewhere in the house, I just can’t find it.

Not to mention my teacher, who should have my animatic for my senior project…now wants a copy. Of which, I’m currently attempting to see if I can upload it onto OneDrive for him.

I’m just…feeling blah. And lonely.

Tomorrow I’m going to start working out again. Mild ones, for now- my left ankle is still very much out of commission. But I’m feeling chubby and very unattractive. Doesn’t help my guy is now…well…not talking to me.

To which my best friend is livid about. If she yells at him, it wasn’t my doing. I simply reminded her I wouldn’t stop her.

And why should I?

It’s painful to go through. Not so much him doing it, as the repetition of it happening to me again.

It’s exhausting.

Especially as I see so many people just…in these relationships that they’re so elated in. With skin that’s clear, and the lack of abundant body hair I’m doomed with.

It’s not fair.

I sifted through old yearbooks.

I am the epitome of the ugly duckling. I’ve come a long way, don’t get me wrong. But I have so much more to go. I’m still finding my groove, my style.

Currently that includes eradicating body hair in places I do not want to see it. But I digress. I can be shallow. To any woman or girl, that’s comfortable with it? You have my awe and absolute respect. I’m just uncomfortable with it.

So tomorrow. I’m breaking myself of junk food. Maybe a few nibbles here and there. But I can’t keep eating it. I graduate in seven months. I want to look damn good, and be damn proud and strong for the twenty-four years I’ve been around, and the growth I’ve undergone.

So yes, I’m stressed. I have paperwork I can’t complete until I find records. I have Medicaid to deal with (again). I have paperwork for my job I need to go to the city for…and I can’t find rides…

I just can’t catch a break. I’ll be fine when I do. But my luck is piss-poor currently and it’s putting me on edge.


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