Running Around

Honestly all I did. (So much for that homework, yeah?)

Food for Thursday.

Decorations to annoy my brother figure.

Me eating too much- but hey, protein?

A burrito for tomorrow saved.

And…yeah. I have a hair appointment at 10am tomorrow. I have copious amounts of homework still to do. And my mouth and tonsils hurt. I think allergies and the super hot burrito I had for lunch did me in.

Shouldn’t feel this heavy, but that’s probably the exhaustion kicking in. Will finish this cup and then crawl into bed for some rest.

Two weeks until this project is due. But hey- all of my clothes are here now?


A Day Of Processing

I, like many, could barely sleep post election results. It was beyond surreal. And while my anger and fear and hurt were something volatile, it needed to be unleashed very much how it had been.

Nearly broke my hand, I believe. But I didn’t. I remained hurting internally, riding out the buzz of turmoil, hurt for my loved ones, and fear roiling in what is to come.

And then I lay under blankets, dosing until my alarm brought me back to the reality. To which I’m surprised I managed to attend class.

I’m glad I did. While a brief, tiny section of only a few of us- it was healing. We all felt in some way that foreboding fear and anxiety of what’s to come next.

I sipped away at some tea, enjoying the company of quiet reflection among peers.

I meant to attend an orchestra concert tonight, but I was so tired and reclusive and wanting to stay in…

Anyway. Spent my afternoon blasting positive music. Because the hate had deviated, the contemplation and reflection to process the impact of this election, the power of integrity and kindness, and how many people have each other’s backs.

I’ve been attacked earlier, online, by old friends. Offended by the backlash about explaining to friends who are minority, or women, or part of LGBTQ, or muslim- and explain why they don’t matter by electing an entire campaign demoralizing them. By electing a candidate with a running mate with an atrocious track record for women’s rights and gay rights and everything else tacked in as well.

How dare I share a post about it. How dare I insult them when I’m trying to hold my friends together who are deeply afflicted. One of my very best friends rushed in to submit an application for her passport, as a precaution to this mayhem.

The fact that one of them had the audacity to justify the rights of minorities is worth sacrificing to “save America”, has left me with zero respect. I cannot hate them. For their arrogance and ignorance I cannot change. My nearly endless patience still won’t put a dent into their stubborn resilience.

But it has brought me to reflection, that such behavior I will not lower myself to. I will not hate. I will not scream. I will not rage.

I turn my back, as I pull into myself to reflect a little more, and allow time to process and heal what has happened.

The riots, the burst in hate crimes in 24 hours’ time…

I will not rage. But I will not sit idly by. Upon my graduation, I will retract into myself back home. I will contemplate, and calculate, to iterate my decision in how I will use with my time come the new year. Once that has passed, I suppose I’ll make a note that I won’t tolerate this behavior.

That I will not hate. But I will not stand idly by. This divide will ruin us. Regardless of what happens in office for the following four years, we cannot be divided any longer.

But for now, I’ll pull back and process. Grieve, fear, breathe, and mend.

Mend, everyone. Reach out with a kind gesture; even a smile.

It’ll all be okay if we do not leave every man, woman, and child to fend on their own in the chaos.

For now, though, let us heal quietly; together.


All I’ve got for now.

Just…hectic. Lots to do. A lesson to give tomorrow. (But I was foolish and never asked for advice or submitted my [last minute] presentation.)

So I’ll wing it.

And what comes, is what comes. I can only go for it with the best of intentions.

And receive a good night’s sleep.

This cough is getting worse. But so far, I’m at peace with everything else. Mayhem left and right.

But all will level out. ❤


If anyone watched the debate, they understand what I’m talking about.

What a ludicrous disgrace they’ve turned out to be. I shudder to think either of them could be our next president.


Advice given was good. Dorm check went smoothly.

Coughing is getting worse. I’m tired of allergies. And they’ve really only just begun.

It’s been a bizarre day. Really, it truly has.



Nope. Just nope. I’m tired. I’m done. I couldn’t roll out of bed until 1pm, proceeded to feel awful and needing to get EVERYTHING done, and nothing was accomplished.

Allergies have moved from tonsils to sinuses, and chest. It feels like sandpaper is starting to scratch away the tissue.

I’m fed up with academia. It’s a privilege I’m glad I’ve gotten to indulge in. (Yes, privilege. It’s corrupt and costs way too much money in the States.) However, it’s not entirely for me.

I like broad spectrums and critical thinking. I love the open-endedness of almost all factors and ways of approach to most subjects and thoughts.

So while I feel like crap, not getting anything done, my mind does so wander.

I’ve no desire to end up just one place. Not now, perhaps not ever. I’ve yet to find a place to settle down in, with a knowing smile and softened brown eyes that just scream “I’m home.”

Wanderlust. Curiosity. Unsettled desire straight down to the core to pack my bags and go where the winds of life say I need to be.

I fit in nowhere. So far. And what awaits is endless, so long as I keep my hand outstretched for something or someone to pull me another direction.

Or so it will be, once I’m done in December.

I’ll talk about college later this year, most likely around my graduation or shortly after. The ups and downs, my experience(s), and what I’ve gained from it all.

Until then, I’ll be sipping tea, mentally wondering about tomorrow while today still needs all of my attention. Typical, no?

Friday Allergies

Mine are kicking me in the ass.

So I’m washing sheets. Getting nothing done. But hey- an assignment was turned in, and Monday morning I have an appointment to talk to one of my past instructors.

So here I am, widdling away time I don’t have again, feeling like shit and questioning choices left and right.

It could be entirely worse- but my health took a turn come the afternoon.

At least I’m getting pizza tomorrow.

And hopefully my soup is still okay. Probably now. I’m so bad about this goodness me…

October starts my challenge with my best friend in getting healthier.

I do believe I’ll also start livestreaming come December or the new year. I hope I’ll get to. I think it’ll be fun.

Two cups of tea down tonight. How many more will I dare?

Indefinite Plague of Uncertainties

Two sides of my brain are in conflict. One part says I’m fine and dandy and everyone will workout just fantastically.

The other side is cold and callous and not so certain and so damn pessimistic.

As October draws near, I’m left wondering if I should have made different choices academically. I have no idea how anything will play out and everything is in vain because I never get to practice what I want.

People pushing left and right. I can’t land on my feet with everything and I feel weightless and like I’m drowning and I just want it all to stop.

All signs I should probably see someone- but in my mind there’s no point. I know what needs to be done, but getting to that is my own work to be done; of which I never have time to do.

It’s all a temporary mindset, and soon enough I’ll be fiery and sweet as ever.

I need to stop mentioning the good to people; save for a very VERY select few. I have so far, but I need to mention it to fewer people.

I’m exhausted. Frustrated. And have too much piled up again.

I’m just going to bed. Maybe dream of better choices made, or different outcomes, or nothing at all. Perhaps a story instead will unveil itself in dreamland for me, instead.

A cup of mint tea as I cramp up, and some rest before mayhem and chaos.

I’m strong enough and capable enough to become whatever and whoever life has planned I am to be. But for now that image eludes me in confusion and uncertainty.

Happy Autumn, by the way. ❤ Too hot down here. Still…

Unexpected Tuesday

I ate too muuuuch. Blame exhaustion. Will stretch to remedy some of that discomfort.

Need to wash my face and get some sleep.

It’s been a very, very long day.

And unexpectedly good- to which might prove fruitful in the long run.

I’m just….excruciatingly exhausted and tired of people trying to plan my life.

But today went very, very well. I’m…relieved about that. And I’m relieved my best friend and her husband jumped in to help me fix my resume. ❤

Skype Session Afternoons

Homework pushed aside again- I had every intention. Kind of.

But best friend wanted to skype, so best friend became priority.

Life is curious right now. Always so curious.

Yoga. Relaxed. No tea today, but perhaps come tomorrow. ❤

Priorities are being managed a day at a time.

Not much else to say, otherwise. Other than my campus isn’t safe right now and that’s frustrating.

Cancelled Class, Borrowed Time

No class this evening means I get to work on stuff without the pressure of a disappointed teacher from me not being further along.

It’s a shame he’s sick, however…


Students I’m teaching do not want to interact. I don’t want to be harsh, but yeesh get off your phones!

I have a love/hate relationship with technology. Perhaps this week I’ll go into greater depths with that.

So Thursday I’ll be a bully and tell them to put the phones away.

It’s raining again. ❤ So I’m sipping at tea and being fat and ugh and sigh.

And he won’t go away today. And I’m irked.